Day Two

Once again, this is my pledge to write for at least a half hour every day:

I am participating in the American Cancer Society’s challenge to write for thirty minutes each day in May. I do a lot of writing and I can meet this challenge. What I plan to do is make a blog entry each day with what I’ve written.

I wanted to participate in memory of loved ones who fought cancer bravely but succumbed:

My brother-in-law Jeff

My sister-in-law Ann

My dear friend Kay

I also wanted to help raise money to support research and a cure for all those who are currently fighting this vicious disease.

My Facebook to the fundraiser is here. 

Thank you to all who wish to support the American Cancer Society this month.

This is probably an exercise in futility, but everyday I’ve been keeping track of articles that I want to write about. Sometimes they are human interest stories, related to deafness and other topics. Most of the time they have to do with issues affecting me and my family. These are the ones I feel most passionate about and yet I’m not writing about them because I’m too angry. There is a writer on Substack, Jeff Tiedrich, who expresses how I feel very well: fuck you, Rethuglicans. So, for instance, I am concerned about:

1.   The debt ceiling, which we may hit in about a month.  The Constitution says this country will pay its bills; the Rethuglicans say no, bill paying can be held hostage to gain massive, cruel cuts to people who are “the least of these”—meaning the poor, the people of color, the struggling middle class rapidly dwindling, and anyone else not in the 1%.

2.   Guns and gun ownership are more important to the Rethuglicans than the lives of our people, particularly children. There are more guns than people in this country. Not a day goes by without some kind of shooting, and there have been so many mass shootings that some Rethuglicans have the nerve to say: oh well, too bad about that but we’re not doing anything to change it.

3.   It’s been over two years since the attempted coup at the Capitol. Despite what the Constitution says about no traitor can serve in Congress, we still have these people not only in office but have taken over important leadership in committees. The foot soldiers have been hauled into court and punished but the generals have not.

4.   Five members of the Supreme Court have proven themselves to be as corrupt as the former guy was.

5.   Despite what the Constitution says and despite ongoing criminal investigations, the former guy says he’s running again. WTAF

6.   The icing on the cake is that 70% of Repub (notice I say Repub, reserving Rethuglican for those thugs supposedly representing representatives and senators in Congress) believe that the 2020 election was stolen, that the former guy is being persecuted, and that they’d vote for him again in 2024. Jesus wept.

7.   The persecution of trans/LGBTQ folks, suppression of the vote for people of color and Gen Z, control of women’s health choices, the banning of books, harassment of teachers and libraries continue unabated in the red states.

 

Some days I just can’t stand it. I get so damn mad, especially since it seems that so many are fucking complacent about it. This is the reason we need critical race theory taught. Maybe then students would learn about the complacency of the German people as Hitler rose to power, condemning the Jewish and gay and “other” communities. Look what happened because the whole country didn’t stand up and say NO to Hitler. It wasn’t just Hitler, either. There are cases of genocide in countries worldwide and what did people do? They said tsk, tsk, how sad but it doesn’t affect me.

 

Well, I was going to post an interesting article about the different cancers and how treating them is different, but I guess that’ll have to wait for Day 3—unless some awful new shit occurs.

 

30 Minute A Day Writing Challenge for the American Cancer Society (1)

Day 1

May 1, 2023

Once again, this is my pledge to write for at least a half hour every day:

I am participating in the American Cancer Society’s challenge to write for thirty minutes each day in May. I do a lot of writing and I can meet this challenge. What I plan to do is make a blog entry each day with what I’ve written.

I wanted to participate in memory of loved ones who fought cancer bravely but succumbed:

My brother-in-law Jeff

My sister-in-law Ann

My dear friend Kay

I also wanted to help raise money to support research and a cure for all those who are currently fighting this vicious disease.

My Facebook to the fundraiser is here.

Thank you to all who wish to support the American Cancer Society this month.

I wanted to write a little about the three people who made such a positive impact on my life before cancer claimed them.

Jeff was my husband Ted’s youngest brother. He was a loving, devoted husband and father to Kim, his wife, and his daughters. His love and kindness extended to the rest of us as well.

Some of my favorite memories of Jeff: he and Kim would host wonderful family gatherings. Ted and I would bring along our young grandson, Tomas, who was on the spectrum. When we would go places with Tomas, I would keep a watchful eye on him. Jeff took right to Tomas and would tell me to go and relax; he would watch over Tomas. Then he and the little boy would go exploring or jump into the pool and have fun together. It’s clear he loved kids.

Another fond memory is of our Christmas family get togethers. Part of our celebrations was always the white elephant. One time Jeff brought a Viking style helmet complete with horns. It became the most popular item to pass around, and as the helmet traveled from person to person, Jeff would lead the cheer to encourage the recipient to try it on: “Helmet head, helmet head!” Soon the entire party would call it out. Jeff brought so much fun and joy to gatherings.

He was always attentive and loving toward his mother, my MIL Lucille. When she was ready to leave a gathering, he was always the one to walk her to her car. He’d make sure she was comfortably settled, chatting with her for several minutes.

The last time I saw him, he’d lost so much weight fighting pancreatic cancer that he constantly had to hitch up his pants. He looked exhausted but despite whatever pain or discomfort he was feeling, he was still cheerful. He spent much of the time sitting down in a comfortable chair. Still, when Lucille was ready to leave, he got up and escorted her out to the car.

We miss Jeff so dearly. Family gatherings aren’t the same without him.

Ann was my sister-in-law from my first marriage to Rich. She was married to Rich’s younger brother, Steven. Even after Rich passed, I still felt that his family was still a part of mine.  I didn’t get to know Ann as well as I liked because Rich and I moved from Long Island to Maryland, away from our families.

Ann seemed shy and quiet. She was soft-spoken but had a lovely smile. I could see how much she loved Steve and her children, young Steven, and Nicole. When Nicole gave birth to Gisele, Ann became a loving, proud grandmother.

I didn’t know she was sick. I didn’t know about her struggle with cancer until after she passed. She fought her battle quietly and with a great deal of courage. Steve, her children, and her grandchild miss her terribly. Steve is especially affected, and I remember how it feels to lose your beloved.

I met Kay through a dear friend of mine, Nancy. I met Nancy through our love of the gothic soap opera series, Dark Shadows.  Nancy and Kay were always roommates and friends. I became friends with them in the late 1990s.

Kay was quiet but she was also wise, and she’d sometimes come out with the funniest things. She was one of the kindest and most considerate people I’ve had the pleasure to call a friend.  She and Nancy fostered kitty cats and had quite a few of their own.

Just before the pandemic and quarantine, Nancy asked if I would like to adopt a kitten they’d been caring for. Ted and I were delighted to add this baby to our gang.

Kay and I would stay in touch about the progress of our kitten, Nugget. I would send her pictures and little tales of how Nugget was doing.

I was so sad to hear she was stricken with ovarian cancer. Like pancreatic cancer, it’s a sneaky, stealthy form that is hard to detect in its early stages. Kay fought it bravely for several years, enduring rounds of chemo and medications. I remember that after one round, there was no cancer for a period…but it came back. It spread and Kay fought valiantly to the end.

Cancer takes a vicious toll not only on the sufferer’s body but also financially because of medical costs. It takes a toll on loving family members like Kim, Ann, Nancy, the children, and grandchildren. So, it’s not just for the loved ones who’ve passed that I am taking this challenge, it’s also for those family members. It’s also for those who are currently fighting this horrible disease. It's so that there is funding for research to eradicate cancer.

"There Is Love"

Yesterday, we witnessed and celebrated the marriage of our daughter, Michele, to her wonderful now-husband, Gary. The hall was filled with love and joy. For Michele, it’s been a long time coming.

Michele knew Gary from her school days here in New Jersey. However, life took different turns for both.

At a young age, Michele eloped with David, her first husband.  David and Michele had four children: Brandon, Ryan, Taylor, and Nikolas. They moved away from all of us in NJ to Tennessee. They struggled. David suffered from a form of muscular dystrophy which worsened over the years. Toward the end of his life, he was confined to a wheelchair and other medical support. Michele and the kids helped care for David and then he passed away.

Michele was grief-stricken. She was a young widow (as I had been when I lost Rich, as Ted had been when he lost Audrey) but was not ready to wear black and mourn the rest of her young life. After some time passed, she reconnected with Gary online. He had also moved from NJ and was living in WV (I think). An increasingly close friendship grew into a long-distance relationship. Gary eventually moved to TN, and he and Michele began planning their marriage.

They could have married in TN, before a justice of the peace. But Michele wanted a traditional wedding this time. Gary had become not only a true love but a soul mate. She wanted her dad, Ted, to walk her down the aisle. She wanted her beloved Gram to see her married. She wanted to be surrounded by friends and family and deserved that happiness.

Michele and Gary added their own personal touches to the wedding. They wanted a rustic, country-western flavor, which was reflected in their choices of music, decorations, and the guys’ attire. The men all wore gray jackets, vests, white shirts, and dark blue jeans. The ladies wore gowns in shades of purple. Michele’s Uncle John arrived wearing a cowboy hat and boots.

Over the last year and before two surgeries, Ted worked in his shop to make the couple's centerpieces, easels, welcome sign, and guest book.

Michele and the bridal party traveled to New Jersey to select their gowns. Michele’s was so beautiful!

Michele planned to include many of her family members in the wedding, including her sister Linda, nieces Erin and Bella, nephew Korben, and granddaughter Arya. Tomas was to usher Gram/Lucille and me to our seats before the ceremony began.

Michele asked our son Bill if he’d consider becoming ordained in an interdenominational church so that he could officiate and marry her to Gary. Bill took the required online courses and became ordained to be able to officiate. 

Before we knew it, the big day arrived.

Ted was having joint pain as well as shoulder discomfort, so I drove, picking up Mom Lucille and driving us all to the Elks’ Lodge. It was still early so Mom Lucille and I roamed around the lodge so that we wouldn’t get stiff from sitting too long.

Gary arrived along with all the groomsmen, including brother-in-law Jay, Linda's husband.

Michele and her party were right on time. Tomas escorted Mom Lucille and me to our seats. I was up almost right away because I wanted to take pictures and videos. Michele’s son Brandon was the official photographer there. Other guests had their phones ready for pictures and videos.

I started taking a video as the parties entered. And then Ted and Michele stood at the threshold. I could see the joy on her face and the pride in his as they entered the room. Bill asked: “Who gives this woman away?” Ted raised his hand and said, “I do! I’m her father!”

As Bill began speaking, I thought of “The Wedding Song”. Peter, Paul & Mary sang that song, and I remembered learning it in my guitar class way back in 1971, over 50 years ago.  

The Wedding Song

Bill's speech was just so beautiful, the words that meant so much but were not the traditional wedding words. He memorized his entire part and carried it off without referring to any notes. Michele and Gary read their vows to each other, and then Bill proclaimed them husband and wife.

Wow. It was just so beautiful.

Everyone was up and dancing when the reception started, especially Ted and Mom Lucille. They had amazing energy considering he’d been in so much pain earlier and Mom was at the age of 91. Tomas had some awesome moves on the dance floor, and it was a joy to see him enjoying himself and getting to spend time with his maternal family.

We were happy when granddaughter Bella came over and sat with us for a good portion of the time. We don’t get to see Michele’s kids or Linda and her family much because they live so far away. I was happy to see that Michele’s kids had all come for the wedding not only because I hadn’t seen them in over 10 years but also because I knew they were still grieving for David.

There was time for speeches and Ted was up first as the father of the bride. He’d had notecards prepared to help him remember what he wanted to say. Unfortunately, the lights had been dimmed on stage and he couldn’t read all the cards. Fortunately, he could read the special prayer he’d chosen for Michele and Gary. Members of the wedding party spoke next. Bella got up and made a very grateful speech to Michele. The most moving speech of all came from Brandon, who praised Michele as the best mother ever.

Not surprisingly, Gram eventually tired and needed to go home. Heidi and Kristin volunteered to take her.  I have to say, I have some awesome kids. I am so proud of each one of them.

When it was time to go home, we all had such a happy glow that lasted right into today, despite the miserable weather.

These are a few of the stills I took from the wedding and reception.

Our Michele

Bill

Gary & Michele's first dance

group hug: daughter Kristin, niece Julie, Gram, daughter Heidi

Bill, me, Tomas & Ted

Michele and her beloved Gram

Heidi, Gram & Kristin

Michele & Gary, congratulations and happy best wishes!

 

 

Homer's Odyssey

 

A dear friend who is also a cat lover recommended Homer’s Odyssey by Gwen Cooper some time back, and I finally got around to it. It’s been on my to-be-read list for a long time. I kept picking up random books whenever I went into the library to pick up one of my books.

My friend and others who’ve read about Homer said it was inspiring. It was that and much more.  Homer’s story is nothing short of miraculous as well as inspiring. Abandoned as a tiny kitten, a caring veterinarian decided to save his life in spite of the fact that he would be blind.

Gwen Cooper was a single working professional with two cats. Both of her cats had been rescued as abandoned kittens. The veterinarian who’d saved Homer was desperately trying to find him a home. It seemed no one wanted a kitten with a disability. But Gwen decided to come to the vet’s office and meet Homer.

Homer, throughout the story, was amazing. He was able to carry out feats the other two cats wouldn’t have dreamed of trying. With a never-ending curiosity and bravado, Homer easily adapted and navigated through a sightless world. Gwen, ever protective, made accommodations to keep him safe.

Originally, I thought this would be an inspiring feel-good story, but I was mistaken. There were situations that put me on the edge of my seat, turning the pages and unable to stop until I found out what happened.  Homer’s story is more than just a light-hearted read, although there were times I found myself laughing harder than I have at comedies. It’s a story of courage, love, and the ability to overcome a seemingly insurmountable obstacle.

You don’t have to be a cat lover or animal lover to enjoy Homer’s story on so many levels.