Day 23: Here's Looking At You In Heaven, Rich

Loving the moving Casablanca bonded Rich and me early in our dating relationship. Our favorite line was “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

For his 24^th birthday party, I’d arranged to have a cake with an image of Humphrey Bogart and the words, “Here’s looking at you, kid, Happy Birthday”. I’d provided the baker a picture of Humphrey Bogart dressed as Rick Blaine. The baker did his best to draw a decent image of Rick, but it was really an epic fail. Still, we all enjoyed the sentiment and the cake.

On Valentine’s Day, one of our favorite movie channels was showing Casablanca. We made a date of it, bringing in Chinese food to enjoy while watching the movie. Out of my eyeshot, Rich finagled a fortune cookie message out and replaced it with his tiny, handwritten “Will you marry me?”

When we planned our wedding, we decided our first song would be “As Time Goes By.”

When we began investigating eBay, we bought a pair of Casablanca dolls in an unopened box. For Christmas, I found him a magnet of Ingrid Bergman as Ilse.

Casablanca was our Camelot, I suppose.

He was my best friend and soul mate throughout our years together. He was the loving father of our three children. We had our ups and downs as people will in any marriage. He had the patience of a saint, living with me as I battled the issues of my childhood.

We loved board games. Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit were our two favorites. We used to relax after dinner and at the children’s bedtimes playing these games. Our other passion was classic movies like Casablanca. We also enjoyed the new releases and would indulge in a movie date whenever we could.

But Rich had cardiomyopathy and had had his aortic valve replaced due to Marfan Syndrome.  He had a collapsing ankle that caused a great deal of pain. He couldn’t entirely quit smoking cigarettes. I believe he also had sleep apnea and insulin resistance. With his last hospitalization, the doctors were considering him a candidate for a gastric bypass. He’d developed atrial fibrillation and that condition needed to be stabilized first.

During that last hospitalization, he began saying he wanted me to find love again and remarry after he was gone. I didn’t want to hear it.

After he was released from the hospital, we had one more lovely visit to Jones Beach on Easter Sunday. It was a mild, beautiful day. Although dressed in play clothes and not bathing suits, the kids frolicked in the gentle surf, wading, and just enjoying themselves. Rich and I sat on a beach blanket together and just talked about many things.

Our son Bill saw us, grabbed my camera from the blanket and snapped a picture of us. It’s the last picture I have of Rich.

After he was gone, one of the ways he communicated was electronically. I woke up at the same time every morning for weeks, around 3:23 a.m. I would hear one of three songs: My Heart Will Go On, I Hope You Dance, and Stand By Me.

I wrote recently about how I met and grew to love Ted, marrying him. He is so much like Rich yet so much his very special self. I didn’t think it was possible to have two soul mates, but I do.

Rich lives in my heart as the lyrics of My Heart Will Go On say. He will always live there with his gentle smile and his, “Do you know how much I love you?”

And we’ll always have “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

I am participating in the American Cancer Society’s challenge to write for thirty minutes each day in May. I do a lot of writing and I can meet this challenge. I plan to make a blog entry each day with what I’ve written.

I wanted to participate in memory of loved ones who fought cancer bravely but succumbed:

My brother-in-law Jeff

My sister-in-law Ann

My dear friend Kay

My Uncle Bob

My Uncle John

 

I also wanted to help raise money to support research and a cure for those currently fighting this vicious disease.

My Facebook to the fundraiser is here.