Day 16: Inner Child

What does your inner child like to do and how can you do more of it? What does your inner child need from you?

 

Believe it or not, this short piece took over a half hour to write.

 

I asked my inner child Catsie “What would you like to do?”, and she started singing “I Want To Break Free” by Queen. 

 

I asked, “Does this mean you want to break free of ME?”

 

And Catsie answered, “No, not really. You protected me all those years, and I love you for that. I hope you did it because you love me.”

 

“Well, yes,” I answered after a moment of hesitation. “But I didn’t really know about you until after I was all grown up and got therapy.”

 

“I know,” said Catsie. “That’s why I need to break free sometimes. Someday I would like us both to be one person.”

 

That surprised me. “I thought we were one person. You’re little Me.”

 

“Yes,” Catsie answered patiently. “But most of the time I’m in the upstairs attic room. You forget about me sometimes and I don’t like that. I get lonely.”

 

“Geeze, I’m sorry.” I felt awful. “I didn’t ever mean for you to feel lonely. What can I do so you aren’t lonely?”

 

“Invite me out to play with you.”

 

“I don’t play much now. I’m 68 now and my body doesn’t bend, twist, or run so easily. You are still 10. Give me your energy and I will take you outside and go for more walks. We can plant a garden together with Ted, Bill, and Tomas helping us.”

 

Catsie clapped her hands. “I would like that! All you have to do is think of me and I will be there.”

 

“I will think of you more often. I don’t want you to feel lonely. You’ve been up in the attic alone too many years.”

 

“I want us to tell my story. I want you to write it.”

 

“You want me to write about you?”

 

“Yes, you can see me and look into my mind to see what it’s been like for me, and how sad I felt when we sort of separated. I know it happened so that you could be brave and handle all that bad stuff. It was too scary for me.”

 

“You were too little. You are the child I was supposed to be, but you didn’t get a chance to grow up.”

 

“I can start growing up if you see me and hear me more. Then you and I will be one again.”

 

“I want to hug you.”

 

Catsie practically leapt into my arms. I held her close. I want to give her what she needs most of all: unconditional love.

Once again, this is my pledge to write for at least a half hour every day:

I am participating in the American Cancer Society’s challenge to write for thirty minutes each day in May. I do a lot of writing and I can meet this challenge. I plan to make a blog entry each day with what I’ve written.

I wanted to participate in memory of loved ones who fought cancer bravely but succumbed:

My brother-in-law Jeff

My sister-in-law Ann

My dear friend Kay

My Uncle Bob

My Uncle John

 

I also wanted to help raise money to support research and a cure for those currently fighting this vicious disease.

My Facebook to the fundraiser is here.