Day 14: "What Is Something That Adds Sweetness To Your Life?"

 Love adds the largest dose of sweetness to my life.

 I have been blessed to have the two greatest loves of my life. First, there was Rich. He came into my life at a time when I was sure I would never marry and never have children. But he, with his gentle and loving ways, showed me that there could be a marriage of spirits that didn’t include bitterness and domestic violence.

 

I lost him in 2001, when he was only forty years old. At 28, he’d had congestive heart failure due to cardiomyopathy. After a consultation with a cardiac surgeon at Johns Hopkins, a geneticist was called in. Rich was very tall, severely myopic, double-jointed, and had unusual stretch marks on his shoulders. The geneticist determined that he had Marfan Syndrome. The cardiac surgeon replaced Rich’s leaky aortic valve with one made of metal. When all was quiet, the kids and I could hear Rich tick like a watch. In fact, he put all our cranky babies to sleep by placing them on his chest.

 One morning, we found he was gone. No more ticking.

 Rich, as his health declined that year, said he wanted me to go on and find someone else after he passed away. I was horrified. I didn’t want to think of the possibility of Rich’s passing. If he did, there could be no other.

I blogged earlier about how I came to meet Ted.  I signed up for a 3 month membership with a dating service because I was lonely and looking for a pen pal. When Ted’s profile first appeared in my email, I deleted it. His photo reminded me of Rich, and his interests were similar. I deleted a lot of other profiles, too. There were one or two who lived in the Midwest that I corresponded with briefly, but we didn’t have enough in common to continue. I decided to cancel my membership.

Just as my membership ended, Ted’s profile showed up again. As my finger moved to the delete button, I heard Rich’s voice say, “Give him a chance.” So, I did. Ted lived in New Jersey and the kids and I lived on Long Island. We began emailing each other. We had so much in common, and he really was a lot like Rich. It was semi-painful but also comforting. We began calling each other and spent hours chatting back and forth. Then we began a real long-distance relationship, taking turns visiting each other and going out on dates.

 I didn’t think I would ever find a love like the one I had with Rich. It’s almost miraculous that I have such a strong love again with Ted. It’s the same but also very different. At this point, Ted and I can just about read each other’s thoughts, finish each other’s sentences. We are in tune, body and soul.

 

There is even more love adding sweetness to my life: my children with Rich, Bill, Heidi, and Kristin. I couldn’t be prouder of the wonderful young people they’ve grown to be. I look at them in wonder sometimes because in their growing years, I was full of mothering doubt. Was I like my mother, who was mentally ill and abusive? Sometimes I felt confident I’d learned enough not to be. Yet there were times I became angry and yelled. Did my face look demonic then, as my mother’s had to me? But now as I reflect, I believe I must have done something right for the way they’ve turned out.

 

When Ted and I married, we blended our families. He had two grown daughters, Michele and Linda. Michele was already married then with three little ones and Linda was dating a young man named Kennan. Blending wasn’t easy. Michele and Linda missed their mother dearly. My kids missed Rich.

 

Over the years, though, we’ve learned to accept and love each other. Michele was widowed a few years ago. Recently, she re-connected with a guy she knew from her high school years, Gary. Just a couple of weeks ago, we celebrated their marriage. We supported Michele all the way. We’d been in her shoes, and we knew the fall out from kids missing their deceased parent. Michele and Gary are in the midst of blending their families.

 We have eight grandchildren between Michele and Linda. Sadly, all but one live far from New Jersey. Three are with Linda and Jay in Virginia; Michele, Gary, and Michele’s adult kids are all in Tennessee. One grandchild is in New Jersey, Linda’s firstborn with Kennan. Tomas is and has been a source of love and joy for all his nineteen years.

 

I absolutely cannot leave out our four-footed feline babies: Gus, Bandit, Bootsie and Nugget.

 

 

Nor can I leave out the love of my dear friends.

 My life would not be so sweet without all the love that’s been added to it.

I am participating in the American Cancer Society’s challenge to write for thirty minutes each day in May. I do a lot of writing and I can meet this challenge. I plan to make a blog entry each day with what I’ve written.

I wanted to participate in memory of loved ones who fought cancer bravely but succumbed:

My brother-in-law Jeff

My sister-in-law Ann

My dear friend Kay

My Uncle Bob

My Uncle John

 

I also wanted to help raise money to support research and a cure for those currently fighting this vicious disease.

My Facebook to the fundraiser is here.