January 6th is important for a couple of reasons

 

Today is my husband’s birthday. We are having a family celebration tomorrow so that his mom and the mine part of “yours, mine & ours” kids can be here.

Two years ago, right at this time, we were frozen to our seats in horror as we watched the Capitol being stormed by violent right wing tRump supporters. We were witnessing a coup attempt and never ever dreamed something like that could happen here. Today, the Repugs are still trying to elect a Speaker of the House. Kevin McCarthy has tried 12 times now and has been an epic failure. I’m half afraid that one or more of the QAnon reps will start pulling out their guns and start shooting.

But I set that aside. It’s Ted’s birthday and he is the love of my life now. We both lost our first spouses the same year. Rich died of cardiac arrest which was a result of having Marfan Syndrome. Ted’s wife Audrey died after a procedure went wrong in a hospital she went to because fluid accumulated in her lungs. She had pulmonary hypertension.

We didn’t know each other then. As the sad, lonely months passed I knew I had the support of my best friends, but I missed a male voice. I would call Rich’s work number just so I could hear his voice. When that went away, I thought it might be nice to be pen pals with a widower from out of state.

There was a method to my madness when I signed up with Match.com for a trial membership. I wanted to connect with a widower, no one else, because I felt we would share the same issues of grieving and have a better understanding of what we felt and why. It had to be someone from out of state because I didn’t want to date.  I was sure that Rich was my one and only, even though he’d often said he wanted me to move on if ever he should die.

I had a few widowed pen pals, but it felt superficial. I wanted someone who would open up and talk to me and it wasn’t happening. I continued to receive a few profiles and one stopped me cold. The man reminded me so much of Rich—hair style, glasses, Van Dyke beard. I sent the profile to trash without reading it. I was completely unnerved.

At the end of my trial period 2 months later, I decided not to continue. It just wasn’t working out. I got one more profile. It was him again! I went to delete it but then I swear I heard Rich whisper, “Give him a chance.” My hand froze. Instead of deleting the profile, I read it.

Ted lived in New Jersey. That was cool. I lived in New York. He liked to read (me too) and mentioned he liked cats. I’m a cat person. He was a family man. Other little details appealed to me. He could be a friend, I thought. I decided to go with that whispered voice and sent Ted an email.

Ted responded right back, and we struck up an email conversation. What really attracted me was how well spoken he was and the fact he’d include funny little gifs in the text. The gifs made me laugh. I would respond to him at night after work; he’d write back in the wee hours before he had to leave for work.

Our emails progressed to phone calls. My, how we talked! We would spend hours chatting on the phone about all sorts of topics. I learned he was a union sheet metal worker. He had a large family. He was the eldest of five sons and a daughter. I learned his biological father abandoned his mother and the five boys when Ted was young. Later his mom remarried, and that wonderful man adopted all the boys. Sister Pam was born when Ted was about 12 or 13. I learned all about his life. I shared as much of mine as I dared, still hesitant to speak freely of my childhood.

I’d decided to take my three kids (then 14, 12 and 9) to Disney World in Florida to do something really fun for a change. I’m afraid of flying so I decided to drive down in our new van. It occurred to me that we would be going through New Jersey on the way down so I suggested to Ted we would meet at a place to eat just off the New Jersey Turnpike.

Ted was all for it, suggesting a McDonald’s near Great Adventure Amusement Park. So, on the way down, we pulled off the Turnpike and stopped for lunch and to meet Ted at McDonald’s. We met in the parking lot, and I sensed Ted was nervous, so I took his hand. After that, we enjoyed our lunch and just talked and talked. Finally, I realized we’d better get back on the road. On the way back to our cars, Ted and I stopped and kissed.

The rest is history.

In June, we’ll celebrate our 21^st wedding anniversary. We are so blessed.  It’s a rare gift to find true love just once. It’s a miraculous blessing to find it twice. Happy Birthday to my dear Teddy Bear.