20 Years in a blink of the eye

We just celebrated our wedding anniversary.

Twenty years now and it happened in the blink of an eye.  TB and I celebrated our 20^th wedding anniversary on June 1^st.  Memories come up in my brain like a bunch of submerged floats popping to the surface.

I didn’t expect to ever remarry in spite of how Rich encouraged me to go on if he passed away.  That was when he started have arterial fibrillation in addition to his other heart issues.  He was only 40 when he died.  He was my soulmate.  How could I ever marry again when half of my heart had been amputated?

Earlier I wrote a blog entry about how I met TB.  I strongly believe that it was Rich that pushed me in TB’s direction with his whispered words: “Give him a chance.”  The part I’m talking about was toward the end of the post here https://irishcoda54.blogspot.com/2022/02/life-after-death.html

So, I reached out and contacted TB.  He lived in New Jersey; the kids and I lived on Long Island.  Not too far, not too close.  He answered and we struck up an enjoyable email friendship at first.  As we began to see how many of the same values and enjoyment of the same activities (reading, especially), we exchanged phone numbers and began to have long conversations when he got off work.

I remember how supportive he was one night when I was so worried about my son Bill.  He’d asked to go into the city with a friend for one of those cards (Pokémon or one of the others) conventions.  I was very nervous about it; he was fifteen and assured me there would be his friend’s parent going with.  Reluctantly, I said ok.  At that time, none of my kids had cell phones.  So now it’s after 11 p.m. and they’re not home yet.  TB’s soothing and comforting words helped keep me calm.  Bill arrived home safely just before midnight.  He’d had a great time.

For spring break, I decided to take the kids and go to Disney World, Sea World and Universal Studios.  I was terrified of flying and it was expensive for the four of us anyway so I decided to drive there.  TB and I thought it would be great to meet face-to-face while I was going through New Jersey.  We picked a McDonald’s just off Exit 7-something on the Turnpike.

I happened to park our van right next to his car.  I recognized him immediately.  We both were very shy, saying hello.  Then, as we walked through the lot to the restaurant, I took his hand in mine and then everything was fine.  We relaxed and began chatting away just as we did on the phone.  I’d told the kids that I’d made friends with TB after one of our phone conversations so they were polite but reserved with him.

We spent about 2 hours at that McDonald’s!  We all walked together back to our cars.  TB reached into his and brought out a stuffed bear with angel wings.  It was for our safety to Florida and back.  We kissed and sort of “knew” then that it was going to work out for us.

Both of us had lost our spouses.  We had both known a great, rare love and that you just don’t find that every day.  We decided not to wait to get married.  At first, we were just going to go to a justice of the peace but TB’s mom got wind of it and wanted us to have a wedding with family.  We didn’t want or need a big ceremony and TB’s good friend, Paul Chapman, was a minister.

There was a charming little gazebo in New Egypt, which is where TB lived.  We arranged to get married there and announced the date we’d chosen: June 1, 2002.  We announced our plans on the internet and were happily surprised by the love and support from family and friends.  We had dinner with Paul and his wife a few weeks before the wedding.  He counseled us and was happy to officiate.

I think what meant to be most was the fact that Rich’s father and wife drove from their home in Pennsylvania to our wedding.  Fred said to me that he understood what it was like, and I knew it to be true.  Alberta was his second wife.  His first wife, Rich’s mother, had been killed in a tragic car accident.  Some family and friends accepted his remarriage from the get-go; others hadn’t.

Another surprise was a friend and her family showing up from Pittsburgh, PA.  We were thrilled they made the effort to come to New Jersey.  Also present were my kids, TB’s adult daughters Michele (and family) and Linda with her boyfriend Kennan, Lucille (TB’s mom), TB’s brother Tim, a few other friends, another pastor TB knew well, and other passers-by.  We had a really nice reception at Lucille’s home.  It turned out to be a perfect day.

The last 20 years haven’t all been smooth and easy.  We’ve had some really rocky times blending our families, keeping our heads above water when TB got hurt on the job and couldn’t work anymore, health challenges, deaths in the families, and the past six-year national horror show.  We’ve had arguments like any couple will.  Love and respect are the glues that held us together.

He enjoys working with his hands and has his own wood shop at the back of the house.  I love to write and catch up with friends and family on Facebook.  We almost the same values and interests.  We are both avid readers.  We both enjoy watching series together on Netflix or Hulu.  We have the same goals.

We both love cats although he likes to say I “converted” him.

So, we’ve been married 20 years now.  It seems like yesterday; it feels like we were always together.  I thank God and Rich and TB’s Audrey for pulling this off.